I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I died a long time ago.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
