Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
