It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
