Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
