I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You pole danced in your parka.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
