I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
