just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
