Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
