i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
