is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
