wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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