I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
