I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
