this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
