it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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