So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
