i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
