the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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