You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
