So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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