dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
