it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
