Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
