dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They took my balls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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