you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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