all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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