Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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