oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
