I heard we made out
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize