John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize