Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
