Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize