we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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