Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
