the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize