"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The best revenge is premature balding
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
