I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
