wrigley field is MILF paradise
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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