I met the friendliest cop last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
