Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
