I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
