a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
