u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were trust falling into bushes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
