You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize