it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
