Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
