so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
