thus making me awesome and them whores
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize