just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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