Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
