I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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