hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize