Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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