Welp...herpes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
