Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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