sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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