once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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