I cannot find my penis.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
