I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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