Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
