Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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