I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is wine microwaveable?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
