I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
