shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I cockslap morals
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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