You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
