i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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