His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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