i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
