I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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