I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
