What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
