I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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