mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
