his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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