when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize