mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
