Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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