What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
