Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
