then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize