I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
