So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
