if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
