Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize