My room smells like vodka and shame
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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