also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
