I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
