ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
