Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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