Your dad touched me again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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