my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
