Someone shit on the floor
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
