We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
