Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
