He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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