4 words: hood of his car
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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