She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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