i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
