I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
