girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
