i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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