i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
