Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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