I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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