you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
