You can't special order awesome
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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